If you thought all that skin-to-skin contact, hugs and kisses, cuddling during infancy and toddlerhood was enough to establish the bond between you and your baby, and then probably you have missed something about parenting. Remember trying to connect with your growing baby is a continuous and conscious process. Young children need you more than you ever thought of, even if you think they can manage themselves well enough on their own.
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Getting to the core
Growing up is fun and entertaining; it is also tedious, confusing and frustrating all at the same time. Young children are not only being exposed to the whims of the society every minute of their life, they are also being introduced to a whole new world of feelings that they develop and try to deal with, in the best possible way they can – the jumble of emotions.
‘Children like adults face the same emotions such as disappointment, rejection, envy, happiness, love, anger, satisfaction and a host of other emotions. The little souls might not always know the best way to deal with them or even express them. They would look up to their parents for the same,’ informs Effath Yasmin , founder-director of Nourish & Nurture Lactation Care & Parenting Education and an International Board Certified lactation Consultant.
Every emotion, whether in a child or an adult, is actually a rising energy which needs to be disbursed and chanelledin the right way. Pent up emotions would lead to certain negative behavior like anger, aggression, repulsiveness, depression etc. Though as adults it’s may be easier to deal with the same, children are left baffled if not helped to channel their emotional energyinthe right way.
What Can You Do
Know how you can help your baby deal with emotions:
Acknowledge emotions: If you see your child being grumpy, upset and sad just after losing a match or having a fight with her best friend don’t expect that she would get better in no time and be her happyself soon. Instead try and talk it out with her. But before you start a conversation, be very sure about the words you use as Yasmin shares, “Instead of using words like ‘What’s wrong with you?’ or ‘Why are you so sad?’ try saying ‘You seem upset would you like to talk to me about it?’ These gentle words can help your baby start the conversation with you and talk it out.” Just talking about what makes her upset can help her deal with the situation better. Remember directly addressing the situation can at times make your child repulsive to express.
Don’t lose touch: Don’t keep hugs, kisses and pats reserved for the big occasions and for achievements. Instead make the practice a daily custom. The physical warmth and gentle touch of a parent can go in a long way to help one deal with emotions head on.
Give enough space: There are going to be times when your child might not want to talk about what is bothering her. Though this can be a matter of concern but it makes sense to leave her for a brief period on her own to deal with the situation. Probably if she feels better you can gently initiate a conversation. It’s imperative that you respect her space as that’s the foundation of effective dealing of a child’s emotions.
Acknowledge emotions: One common mistake parents do while dealing with an upset child is to bribe her to be happy. Remember that’s the worst way to handle emotions or a situation that upsets her. Instead get to the core of the situation by simply talking and explain her that being happy or sad is a part and parcel of life. Give her emotions a name. With toddlers help them to understand if they are happy, sad, afraid or just upset. With little older children label their emotions with specific words like disappointment, disagreement or embarrassment. this makes it easier for them to deal with it.
Teach the child by example and empathy: While your child might become wired out after a rough experience telling her that it happens with everyone may makeher feel she is not alone in feeling so. Give her examples, tell her how you felt when you were upset, tell her about your disappointments or mistakes. Children learn learn more from you when you share with examples from your life. This will help her learn to be empathetic and probably deal with her emotions in a better way.
How does it help
While you can decide on how you want to deal with your child’s emotions, here’s what you can gain from acknowledging the emotions better:
Better bonding between a parent and a child: Dealing with emotions in a subtle way helps your child release the pent up energies. This in turn makes your child calmer and also more receptive. This receptiveness makes the bonding process with the parent and child stronger and viable.
Initiates better co-operation: We all know that parenting is not a one way process; it needs co-operation from the child too. But a child who seldom gets attention from the parent when in need probably wouldn’t be the one who would co-operate with the parent. Anger might not work here; instead it will just ruin the relationhip more. Getting to the core of your child’s emotions just by talking and spending some time together can make her more co-operative with you.
Makes your child a sensitive individual: Dealing effectively with a child’s emotions in the growing yearshelps one transform a child into a sensitive individual too.
Opens new channels of communication: “The most common complaint that parents have is that their children hardly listen to them.This is because the basis of communication hasn’t been established in an effective manner which is trust. Children are very sensitive and yet receptive. If a parent deals with the various emotions of a child efficiently that follow the principles of respect, autonomy and guidance rather than unintentional sense of control, dismiss and love withdrawal, then the spirirt of cooperative atmosphere begins to flourish at home,’ says Yasmin.
Builds Skills along with intuition and love: Yasmin supports her view of empowering the parents to be who they hope to be for theirchildren by emphasizing that, “All parents have love and warmth for their children and always the best intentions , however the challenges that parents have to deal with in everyday life is not to do with lack of love, it is lack of skills.”
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